how much I miss you

Loosing my precious baby boy Jayden at 6 weeks old there is no other pain like this. I cry cry and cry some more.  he is my first and last thought everyday.  this past week was the hardest the ME called after 10 weeks the autopsy is complete.  no answer whatsoever.  i just want to blame something its just not fair.  easy pregnancy, a total of 1 hour and 20 minutes in labor and delivery 9 pound baby.  just healthy and beautiful.  he was down for a nap in his back with no sign of been sick at all.  my husband found and he was gone.  the ambulance er got back a heart beat but after two days of been in ICU on life support and not breathing at all and no activity  he was declared brain dead no activity the doctor said; it was time to let go.  for a while for a long time I wouldn't accept it until last week.  I kept thinking it was not true.  i will wake up to look for him and would have to remember everything again.  i will tell everybody how much I always wanted a boy and how I was in love.  but today most people just would not talk about him.  i feel like he is been forgotten and talk to him every day I know he can not hear me, but I just want to think he here.  even though he is gone.  i never though that so much pain existed. I came to this site and felt understood many of the parents like maxie's mom.