Thursday, September 20, 2012


Tomorrow my baby Jayden would have been 9 months old.  I miss him so very much.  Every single day I grieve the fact that he is gone.  Today at 20 weeks pregnant we found out we are having his baby brother.  I broke down ad started crying because its terrifying its so scary to think that we may loose this baby too.  We have our two older girls and for some reason I thought that having another girl will be easier since our girls are alive and our son is gone.  The technician looked at me and said well God may be giving you a son back and Im due on February 6th the day we lost our baby.  We know God had nothing to do with Jayden been gone. We also know that God will give him back to us one day 
And its the only thing that helps today.  Its not that Im strong I have no choice I must keep going my girls, my husband and now our 
Baby boy that is growing inside my belly need me so much.  Jayden will mean everything to me always and to our unit u mommy, daddy, n sisters.  And his little brother will know how my mommy fell in love once again with his brother.  We are happy but terrify at the same time.  

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Need to Write

Its been a while since I been here.  We had one of the grandmother's died at 90 years of age.  It was not as hard as we expected. Maybe its because we already experience the worst.  She had an amazing life.  We worry about grandpa just because he is 92 and when you are marry for 67 years its just painful to be alone. We been so busy taking care of all of that.  I have to say that it will be 8 months very soon since we lost Jayden.  It hurts I cry often but not as often as the first 6 months.  Also, Im 20 weeks pregnant now and I know that i have to take care of this baby that its growing so fast.  It has given us something nice and exciting to look forward to. My relationship with Jayden was so special and I miss him every single day.  im trying to stay  positive and constantly looking into the hope of resurrection that Jehovah, God has provided.  Some days I breath better than others. Its always the smal things that break me up.