Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Is it Real?

Jayden was 45 days old when he stop breathing.  Two days later when he was 47 days old we walk away from the hospital room leaving our baby who at the point was gone....  I can still feel the pain in my stomach as the memory never leaves my body.  When this past sunday morning came and Kyle was 45 days I was terrify that something will happen.  I felt like I was walking half dead and that any minute the monitor was going to go off.  Today Kyle is 47 days old.  The day is almost over and he still here.  We took him to the pediatric for a  follow up and he is just fine growing, getting so big.  He weights 12.8 lbs.  He is a great eater.  All of the sudden in my mind something was taken off my shoulders.

 Is it real?  My baby still here. Is Kyle really going to stay?  I'm trying to treasure all the moments I have with Kyle afraid of tomorrow. 

I miss Jayden so much that words cant describe exactly what i feel.  My heart is so broken.  Kyle looks so much like him.   Kyle has help us smile once again but it feels so incomplete. 

I will never forget you Jayden.  Never baby.  The love between you and I will never die. 

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