When your child dies; All of the sudden you have to make decisions out o no where and in a short amount of time. Where to bury your child? Do you want a get together after the funeral? What clothes to wear to the funeral? What do you want the baby to be dress like? I mean come on, there are so many decisions and no time to think or change your mind.
Today, I was asked to think of the possibility of moving away, the possibility of going back to work. I know it was a plan. A decision we had made. My baby Jayden would have been 8 months today and I would have not hesitated a bit. Since I lost Jayden, I do not know if I
Could ever go back to work? How can I work with baby collections and see babies all day If My sOn is NOT HERE! How can I move away to another area, another state if I would have to leave him here all alone? Am I been unrealistic? am i been selfish with my family?
i just dont think i can do it. i will always be in pain and missing my baby, but the thought of knowing he is bury miles and miles away terrifies me. i just can not think now either. i know i will break down seeing 8 month baby boys right now anywhere. i also know that my heart will ache much more if we were to move away and I will have to leave him behind.
You are not being selfish at all. You are so very new in your grief. You shouldn't do anything big in the first year of losing a child.
ReplyDeleteWe moved 18 months ago and up until that time I was always able to go to the cemetery to visit my baby girl. She had been gone 7 years when we left, and even then it was SO hard.
Give yourself time. Be gentle with yourself. And take all the time you need.