GUILTY

Jayden.... my baby.  I do NOT want to believe that you are gone.  

There is so much pain in my heart.  I hate that you are not here. 

I feel guilty all the time.  Why I was not there?  I know everyone 

Says "there is nothing you could have done", but no one can 

KNOW for sure.  I was the mom and I mess up so badly by not

Been there, by not Noticing something was going to happen.  

Today, I feel guilty because I should want to be alive all the time.

I should want to be here, your sisters, your dad, your aunts. They 

All need me. But sometimes like today, I will rather die. I will rather 

Be asleep as you are, wake up in the resurrection when the time comes. 

I dont want to live with this pain. 

it feels beyond anything that I can keep

taking. It feels like I'm strong one day and the next 

Im so broken.  

I feel guilty for wanting the rest of the family to 

REMEMBER you.  is their faith greater than mine?  Most likely. 

I should not want them to be sad or upset, but I want aknowledgement 

Of your existence. 

Words cant describe what it means to live wthout you.