OTHER BABIES........

I noticed my pain its at it worse stage now.
Everyone I know that has gone thru this road say that
4 to 6 months are the hardest!  Anyway since we
Have the girls, we always have done fine with other children.
Most of my girls friends are other little girls their age.
There are a couple of boys.  It has not really bother me to be around
Other children until now.  This weekend we attended a convention and there
Were children.  What are the chances that in over 5000 people
I will seat behind one baby boy that was 7 weeks old the age at which we lost Jayden and 2 other baby boys that were born a week apart from Jayden one older one younger.  After just sitting for a few minutes I broke down remembering that is how big my baby was when we lost him.
And the worst that is the age he will be, He will be sitting. He will be spoon fed baby food, he will smile, he will have been kicking.
I realized that 2 month old baby boys will always remind me of my baby and they will trigger emotions and pain.  Also that babies that were born around my babies age will forever remind me where my son would have been if he had not DIED.  I felt jealous, upset and alone.
How come these moms had their boys there just fine and mine was not.
I know it sounds bad but what was it that I did wrong to deserve a life without my baby? a life of waiting until I see him gain, the waiting?
Forever these two groups of babies will trigger a pain that is hard to controll.