This happiness is cloud with many fears with so much pain. will this baby make it pass 6 weeks and 5 days? i did so many different things when I was pregnant with Jayden, Im determined to do everything different just as we did with our first girl. Even taking the most expensive pre natal vitamins. no more coffee, exercise, i wont breastfeed, i didnt with the girls and they are alive and he is not. why does it have to be so painful? i will push pacifier. i will do everything like the girls... I couldnt loose another baby. and then dumb m i search to see if there are parents that have lost 2 babies t SIDS and found out it has happen and i cry and cry in fear. i fee
I totally understand your fear. Being pregnant after loss is no easy task. It seems as though all that innocent joy is forever taken away once one has learned so painfully that baby's are not always here to stay. I hope you have the support you need: Counseling, support groups, and of course the blog world, anything that can help you through the months ahead. Pleas know that what happened had nothing to do with the nursing. If anything, that helps prevent SIDS. I'm sure you were the best mother Sweet Jayden could have asked for, and noone could have loved him more or cared for him the way you did. I know you're struggling with guilt, we all do, especially in the beginning, but what happened was not your fault. You loved him to the moon and back, and you would have done anything for him. Your love and devotion shine through in all your words on here. I'm wishing you strength and light in the months to come, and a healthy little bundle of joy to bring you hope and healing in the end. Not as a replacement, never that, but as another source of joy and light to help your girls fill your home with laughter again, even as you all still remember precious Jayden. Hugs to you
ReplyDelete