I miss who I was. I was always happy, always optimistic. I miss been the person. Today, yes I do still smile but only those that have taken the time in the past to get to know exactly who I am know that the pain and the emptiness is all over my face. One of our friends said to me last thursday: Kira, I'm sorry I have not sent a card for what happen. It was too painful for us. I bought one but I didnt know what to say. Know that to us today we looked at you guys and we dont only see Jared and you and the girls we see Jayden with you guys. He was real, you shared him, you were so proud. And we love you guys so much. Always ready to help. It was true and genuine her comment I wish I could have help my baby. Its true today as I was thinking about it; we have received many many cards hundredths of them since our son die. But those very close friends many of them have not been able to. And its not necessary just their looks in their faces, their huggs, their genuine interest in mentioning our son is more than enough. I dont know exactly what we will do without them. They managed to make us laugh, to make dinner to bring the most simple presents as gummy bears for our girls it means a lot. I'm sorry Im not the same today. I honestly do not believe I will ever be the same until the day I hold my baby again. I dont think I have become a better person, I have not. Maybe today I'm more worried and more fearful of the future but not better. I miss my baby everyday, every single day its a torture to think he is gone.
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