Thursday, June 28, 2012
Selfish
Sometimes is so unreal to me that people can say the most insensitive things. maybe its because I grew up in a family where there was no room for being insensitive. Pain was shown to us and display that it exist and to be careful. Still I never ever though to find my self in so much pain. This past weekend I was at the supermarket and I saw someone that doesn't really know me. She knows my husband's family. She ask how u doing? I said I'm okay. She said is good to see that you are not being selfish, you can't drowned in pain that would be so selfish of you towards your two other children and your husband. i was shock I just couldn't believe it and then she said okay I have to pick up ice cream can't be selfish with the kids. I just left did not even said bye. I literally turn around. Im being selfish for been in pain. Its not that I love my girls any less but why would people not understand that loosing Jayden change my world my life who I am, who I will be, that the pain I feel is so deep within me.
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Let me start by saying that I'm so very sorry your little Jayden is not in your arms. Life is so very unfair. Of course your not selfish for being in pain. It would be very disturbing if you were able to move on as if nothing happened, but there are unfortunately a lot of people out there who will never even try to understand that. They think that grief is something you'll get over in a set period of time and than by some kind of magic everything will be back to the way it was before, as if your beloved baby never existed. I know that it's impossible at times but do your best to ignore them. They have no idea what they're talking about. Only you know where you are on this lonely path, and what ever you're feeling is right for you. There will come a time when you can live and dance, sing and laugh again, but your boy will of course always live in your heart. He will never be forgotten. You'll just find a place where happiness and sorrow can co-exist, but it'll take time, lots of time.. Give yourself as much time as you need, and try to be gentle with yourself... Remembering your sweet little Jayden with you and sending you strength in this very difficult time.
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