3 months.. Oh there is so much pain.....

Today it marks 3 months since those horrible days of February 4 to 6; when our baby fell sleep in death.  Today, we met with two of our good friends for dinner and the restaurant which we did not realize was  pass the hospital.  It was so painful its like my heart drop down again and started to hurt again like I was having a heart attack.  Driving the road remembering that he was not with us when we left the hospital.  It is so painful just to even remember those days..... I miss my baby so much.  We were walking to the restaurant and there was a guy walking with his baby who was just starting to walk.  Ohhh the pain .... I looked at Jared and he just look down.  I feel so sad that we dont have our baby.  That Jared will not be able to hold his hand and walk with him. I keep holding down to the amazing husband I have because I do not know what I will do and where I will be if he was not as understanding as he is. We know and truly believe that Jehovah, God will give him back to us during resurrection but waiting is too hard.  I ponder so much of what Jayden would have been doing by now.  I ponder over  all the milestones that other babies we see are reaching and we dont have our baby.  I hate this time of the month because it brings me to reality and it reminds that time keeps passing by and that we just dont have our baby; that our girls are growing up without him.  Its 3 months and I thought I will feel better but not much has changed... its true some days go by faster others slowly but we miss him so much.  We will continue to wait  there is no choice we will continue to try to be our best to try to be good people.... so that we can be there when our baby comes back.  Holding down to the promise of resurrection,  its one of the only things that helps me wake up every morning and look at the future ahead.