A boys connection.....

Its 5 am honey the hardest hour of the day it used to be our time.  You will nurse and I will hold you and look at you until 6:45 right before your crazy sisters were up.  Daddy leaves to work and I stay in this bed thinking about you.  About our time together.  Jayden baby,  daddy and I were talking about the connection I had with you.  I love both of your sisters but my connection with you was super special.  Having Jayda your older sister as new parents we were both concern and worry.  I was terrify of loosing her.  Kylie's pregnancy was slightly complicated and we worry all the time about her.  However,  I could not nursed them I try and try but it did not work.  I also was ready to go back to work.  With you my baby it was so different.  At 7 months pregnant I had stop working and I knew I was not going back.  I told daddy " I will not go back to work until his first day of school".  I enjoyed your pregnancy honey.  it really could not be better.  The delivery was harder than your sisters but relatively easy.  You were such a big boy almost 9 pounds at 39 weeks.  The moment I saw you honey I fell in love with you.  And then you were a pro at nursing.  I will hold you and spent so much time with you my little man daddy will say "I am your husband you know"... I love so much to be with you.  Today honey we endure the biggest pain of waiting and waiting and waiting some more for the day when we can see you again.  We thought of having another baby but We both worry so much could this happen again? Also afraid of having the connection again.  it has to be a mom and son connection.  We do not think we would have another boy with the amount of girls in our families.  My heart is so broken but it treasures our special connection A Boys connection.   I love you.