Monday, May 28, 2012

Anger....WHY???

Im so angry sometimes.  I cant believe
Its true Jayden is not here.  I do I do feel guilty
For not doing things differently.  what if I
Would have taken him to nap in the swing?
What if I would have ask my husband to stay
Inside instead of going to help his brother and
Feed our girls so I could stay with Jayden?
What if I would have tell my sisters to come over
When they called the previous day?
What if he would have cry?
What if I would have let my 3 year old daughter
Go in the room and turn on the light? would I
Have found him just in time?
Why did I give him a 2 hour Nap?
Why didnt I push the pacifier?
Why didnt I bottlefed?
Why I didnt put him in the snuggle nest and brought him
To the girls bedroom?
Why I did not go change my shirt after cooking?
Why Jehovah, why him?
There is so many questions and again
Im the mom im suppose to know...
What did I do? anything else I could
Have taken, I feel so guilty.  its just NOT fair.
Its so painful..... it hurts and hurts.

1 comment:

  1. I ask similar questions all of the time and some of mine are the opposite of yours. Even though I ask - I know in my heart - it wasn't us. We still have the right to be angry though. It is a stage of grief that everyone goes through. I am sending you lots of love - XOXO Abby

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