Friday, May 11, 2012

PTSD

So Im officially diagnosed with PTSD.  so what
The doctor wants me to take sleeping spills
But they dont work.  I have been sleeping only
About 4 hours a day.  i drink at least 3 cups of coffe a
Day just to stay up with the girls and then
Therapy I just dont know its scary.

I read the whole ME report today and there was
NOTHING- 9 pound full term baby.   NOT
Sick at all.  Easy pregnancy.  1 hour and 20
Minute labor and delivery.  what went wrong
What did I do?  I breastfed for the first time.
I didnt push the pacifier. I have never smoke
The temperature in his room was set at 70
Degrees.  i mean what was it? what?  My child look so healthy
I mean at 6 weeks he was 14 LBS.

I just want to understand.  so having healthy children is
NOT enough.  It will never be.  and as
Much as people and doctors keep saying
IT was not your fault. it feels like it is.
I was the "MOM" it was my job to take care of him.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry. I see the SIDS information sometimes and it says not to do this and not to do that but for many parents, like you, the only "risk factor" was the fact that your child was a boy. You didn't do anything wrong. But I know that saying that doesn't make you feel better. It didn't make me feel better. In my heart, I will always believe that I could have done something differently.

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